The curse of curly hair

I have curly hair. I married a guy with even curlier hair. My daughter was doomed. She has curly hair that makes her life hell. That’s what curls do to a girl. Left to its own devices, her hair arranges itself into layers of ringlets. At this point you may be picturing Shirley Temple and wondering what all the fuss is about, but bear in mind that my daughter doesn’t have a Hollywood makeup team slaving over her. Her curls are long and untamed, their length pulls them down, stretches them out; her hair is dark and frizzy, unmistakably ethnic.

You can’t look at her hair without feeling a primal urge to twine a ringlet around your finger. People always come up to her and say, “Look at those curls,” as they reach out to touch her head. When she was little, I didn’t think it would be polite to say, “Please don’t touch my child,” so instead I tried to explain to my confused daughter why stranger danger didn’t apply in those circumstances.

My daughter is handicapped by the fact that I grew up with no hair care training of my own. It was a time when everyone, men and women alike, had long wild hair. As a young woman, I looked like the character with the wedge-shaped hair in Dilbert. In a rash, fear-of-forty moment, I finally cut my hair short enough to take advantage of my curls. But it was even later before I learned about product, that generic term that applies to all sorts of goop you can buy to enhance your hair care.

When I was younger and people admired my hair, I would say, “Well, the grass is always greener on the other head.” When I was sixteen, my mother agreed to pay an exorbitant fee to have a salon slather chemicals on my hair to straighten it. I was transformed. I felt beautiful for the first time in my life. I went to a party that night and boys who had never given me the time of day swarmed like bees to honey. Over time the chemicals wore off and the curls crept back. I don’t remember if it was the money or the fear of damage to future generations that kept my mother from agreeing to pay to have it straightened again, but that was the only time in my life I had straight hair.

My daughter’s friends like to use their flat irons to straighten her hair, so for her birthday this year I bought her one. I thought we had both matured enough to work together to tame her curls. I was wrong. I merely introduced a tool that is not only difficult to use and bad for her hair, but can cause serious burns. One yelp was all it took before we agreed to abandon the effort.

My daughter is a beautiful girl, no matter how her hair behaves, but like all teenagers she’s more likely to listen to strangers than to me. For that reason, I’m eternally grateful to all the strangers who continue to reach out to touch and admire her hair.

*August 8 update. After reading this post, a friend sent me this photo with the note: “See the attached photo (taken at the MFA in the Roman section)  for proof of the longstanding popularity of curly hair.”

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6 responses to “The curse of curly hair

  1. Being one who, as a teenager, was “cursed” with very straight hair, I worked hard to try to get that arty, exotic Renaissance female portrait Look. I got perms, but — as with your hair straightening efforts — it never lasted, and who knows what damage it did to my lungs, let alone my hair? As you say…”the grass is greener on the other head.” Love the ending to this post.

  2. then, there is this view ..
    Well, she’s my curly headed baby
    Used to sit on daddy’s knee
    She’s my curly headed baby
    And she comes from sunny Tennessee

    I have loved her since I met her
    She is all the world to me
    She’s my curly headed baby
    And she comes from sunny Tennessee

    Well, I’m a-gonna tell about these women
    I’m a-gonna tell you what they’ll do
    They’ll hang their head on your shoulder
    And they’ll flirt around with another two

    I’d rather be in some dark holler
    Where the sun refused to shine
    Than to see you with another
    Darling when you promised you’d be mine

    Well I was happy when I kissed her
    And she gave her love to me
    She is the prettiest little baby
    That ever fell in love with me

    Yes she’s my curly headed baby
    And I hope someday to be
    Walking by her side forever
    Way down in sunny Tennessee

    by Woody Guthrie
    mp3 of song on request to me mvmckenna@gmail.com

  3. Your daughter has lovely hair. Ever try Pravana Curl Enhancing Gel? It makes ringlets perfect and shiny. When my hair is curly, I use it. So does my daughter.

    And if she needs some help straightening, let me know. I can do my hair without burning myself.

  4. This is funny and I can completely relate since my daughter has curly hair, but I have been learning along with her since you know how straight my hair is…I had no idea what to do when they curls appeared! She has learned over the years how to work with her curls and to love them – we don’t use the flat iron nearly has much as we did when she was in high school! One little tip with the flat iron you usually have to blow dry it out first, then flat iron…. 🙂

  5. My friend’s redheaded daughter had a similar problem with strangers wanting to touch her hair. At age 3, she asked for a wig at Christmas to cover her gorgeous locks.

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