Tom Cruise is what?

When Ricky Gervais hosted the Golden Globe awards last week, he said, “Also not nominated was ‘I Love You Philip Morris,’ Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor. Two heterosexual characters pretending to be gay. So the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists, then.” At the time, I had no idea who Mr. Gervais was insulting.

When I found out, I also discovered that I am, apparently, the last person on earth to have heard the rumor that Tom Cruise is gay. “Look it up,” I was told. “Go to Google and type in ‘Tom Cruise gay’ and see what you get.” So I did. And yup, that gets a lot of hits.

Of course, the fact that it’s a popular topic on the Internet doesn’t mean that it’s true. It means the speculation attracts attention. This is, presumably, the same reason that the Hollywood Foreign Press Association asked Ricky Gervais to host the Golden Globe awards for a second time: his presence attracts attention. I’ll bet there is a mathematical equation that can prove that each time he insulted someone, x number of viewers decided not to change the channel.

After I caught up with the rest of the world regarding Tom Cruise, I couldn’t help but Google the only other famous Scientologist I know of, John Travolta. Lo and behold, people also think he’s gay! Did you all know that, too? Where have I been?

The fact that both of these men are married to women, and have children with them, does not preclude the possibility that they also sleep with men. But would that not make them bi-sexual rather than gay? I don’t mean to split hairs here, but is it not possible that these men love their spouses, want to share their lives with them, and are happy with their choices, even though they also like to sleep with men?

Rather than making them gay, doesn’t that just make them horrible husbands who cheat on their wives?

A good friend of mine is a lesbian, married to her partner of twenty-eight years. They have a son. You don’t need to speculate about them, they are what they say they are. (You can read more about her family in an article she wrote called, Moving is stressful enough without anxiety over neighbors’ reception.) It’s true they’re not famous, and they’re not Scientologists, but still, you don’t catch anyone spreading rumors that they’re really straight.

Straight or gay, when you get married, you agree to stop sleeping with people you’re not married to. If you can’t abide by that simple rule, you’re a schmuck, straight or gay.